"PATRIOTS" Bowling with Kelly March 7, 1998

by
Gordon Hom

There's some moral yin and yang that happens when an irresistible, desirable woman shows up and sex occurs, there's a heavy price to pay. This is at the core of film noir, where weak men can't resist overwhelmingly sexual women. The men are invariably drawn into murder and mayhem, with the catalyst being women.

So it is when Kelly shows up once again. She brings in tow a supposed husband (Connor) whom she has never really married, and a bunch of deadly terrorists. Right from the get go when Kelly bumps into Nash in an elevator (characteristically in the noir male mode, with Nash discussing where to have sex with the lovely Sela) violence occurs. Nash the expert pistolero drops two thugs like bowling pins.

Later Nash and Kelly warm up to each other once again and are about to play kissy face, but alas, they're kissy interruptus by Harvey's phone call. The now heated pair go to an art gallery opening, where again violence erupts. Nash the expert pistolero puts a nice grouping through a clown face painting and drops another gunman like a bowling pin. There's something anarchically satisfying about trashing an art gallery, like Nash barfing over the side of the boat in a previous episode.

There's nothing like an art gallery shoot-out to get a couple going. The now horny pair go back to Nash's apartment to consummate, but only after Nash learns that Kelly has never married Connor (the honorable Nash stating that "I don't sleep with married women, you know that.") Harvey's phone call is better-timed the next morning, as the cozy couple nuzzle in a warm bed. Violence erupts once again, as Nash finally figures out the target of the terrorist. Nash the expert pistolero puts two precise shots into the nasty terrorist dropping him like a bowling pin. The sexual heat finally ends. Nash is re-united with Joe in the black Mercedes, and the car blows up in an orgasmic fireball. Things are back to normal, with Nash the expert... well you know what I mean, tired after his encounter with Kelly and killing four thugs.

Even poor Connor is drained dry by Kelly, as she reveals to Nash the failure of Connor: "He couldn't get out of your shadow Nash. He felt he should live up to some mental image I had of you." It reminds me of that joke - "Why did Menachim Begin invade Lebanon? He was trying to impress Jodie Foster." The violence that men do to impress women...

The Joe backstory reveals Saudi Arabia's position to the US in the late 90s - they need that heart to pump, and oh, that decadent American culture. Don Novello/Father Guido Sarducci, Catholic priest transforms into an Islamic prince. That's about as strange as a counterculture comedian transforming into a hardboiled cop. Bandar Zamil is saved by the stripper who also happens to be nurse (oh please) as one of them declares to Joe "I'm a stripper and a nurse, OK? NOW MOVE YOUR ASS." Poor Joe, always getting pushed around by sexy, assertive women - remember that dominatrix a while back?

For more, see synopsis for Episode 48

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